My Tribute to Dads...

Dads. They can be amazingly good in a child's life, or amazingly bad! They come in all shapes and sizes, but more importantly, all varieties and bents. The crucial question becomes, what do they do with this role of "father".

My own Dad and I had a much troubled relationship during my growing up years. He was troubled at times, I was troubled at times. He was a tough man from a generation that wasn't prone to show a lot of affection. And yet, in a less untroubled photo when I was 2 years old, my Dad is shown laying in the back yard with me standing at his chest with my hand resting affectionately on his face. That photo haunted much of my childhood because I wasn't sure if I knew who that man was. He certainly wasn't my father. At any rate, one of the biggest triumphs of my life was the way my Dad and I were able to heal the wounds of the past and have a relationship that enriched my life greatly. My Dad and I shared a great love and respect for nature and all things out-of-doors. I tried to pass that on to my kids and now to my grandchildren.

Every Dad brings different skill sets to life. The Dad I live with is not the handy-man, fix-it-up, lumberjack kind of Dad. But without him in my life I would probably not even be writing this blog right now. Besides the intense love and generosity that he shares everyday he also brings us his own vast knowledge and appreciation for the world of technology, a 21st century world which we live in and have to function in whether we like it sometimes or not. He is also a father who doesn't get to take part in his own children's lives. Father's Day is extremely hard for him. He loves all his "adopted" family enormously, but still grieves for his inability to bring an impact to his two biological daughters. He is one of the most amazing human beings I know and deserves so much better from life than he has gotten.

It is amazing to watch younger fathers stepping up to the plate to become the Dads of this next generation. I watch them around me and marvel at how badly some of them operate in this role. Then I stand awed at what great Dads many of them are. My two dear sons are both Dads now. They are great Dads. I watch Jamie with his children, the way they respond to him, run to him, depend on him. He is "Daddy", their protector, their provider, the one they wait impatiently for to come home at night. I don't wonder if there is true relationship there. It is obvious. He's one of those "larger than life" Daddy's. I see photos of Tim with Josie. Even though it's just a picture I can see that Josie trusts her Daddy. He is there for her. He will protect her, care for her, fight for her no matter what. I use to say that if nuclear war ever came and we had to run to the woods to survive Tim would be the one I'd want with me. He has all the inventive qualities of his Grampa D., the smarts of his Dad, the high IQ of his Mom...he would be a survivor. And when we got our lives back he'd know how to rewire a toaster!

No tribute to Dads would be complete without honoring the fathers of my own children. Cedric was a young father who never even had the opportunity to grow into full adulthood, but he cared for his little family. He fed and clothed and housed us on a $60 a week paycheck from Masonite. He was volatile, joyful, loving. He had a bad temper which sprang often, and yet a smile that could light up your whole world. I would have loved to know him as he would be now. He died when Jamie was only 2 years old. Gary Chaffee is a great Dad. Our marriage may have failed but his fathering never did. He was and is a hard working Dad who cares deeply for his children. He's not afraid to play hard, and to say the hard things sometimes if he thinks they are necessary. He wants the best for his children. He was and is a good Dad.

I read once that Dads are the thermometer of the household. When they walk in they set the temperature of how things will be. I think that is very true. I miss my Mom so intensely sometimes it's like a physical pain, but the absence of my Dad is the absence that feels "all wrong". I can't comprehend a world with him not a part of it. His presence was so big, so powerful. I remember sitting in the hospital during those last hours and just starring at his arm. I thought, he can't die! He's too strong! Too vital! Sharon and I were saying the other day that he just never seemed like an old man to us. Maybe that's God's way of them living on in us, of their influence staying with us to guide and teach. My Dad was very far from perfect, but then again, aren't all Dads? Aren't all parents? Being a parent is not about perfection. It's about commitment, and for all the good, and the bad, my father taught me about life. And that's important.

Happy Father's Day to all the Dad's in my circle.